Under Pressure
by himitsu
Summary: Yamato Ishida doesn’t want to be a star but he is just a puppet in the hands of someone he loves. Angst, suicide attempt, unrequited Yamaken.


**Disclaimer: **Don't own Digimon.

**Warning:** angst, suicide attempt, unrequited Yamaken.

**Summary:** Yamato Ishida doesn't want to be a star but he is just a puppet in the hands of someone he loves.

**Under Pressure**

by Trickster

The newborn Tokyo star group arrived in the evening to the concert hall. The teenage girls were screaming, the security service was hardly able to hold those who wanted to be closer to the stars.. 

Yamato went out of the car and he felt rather faint. The hand was placed on his shoulder at once: "Don't you worry," a velvet voice whispered into his ear over the roar of the crowd, the voice of the solo guitar player, Ken's voice. The words of his lover seem to calm him a little. "Ken, what would I do without you?" the singer thought, but after a minute he was back to his senses again and the silence fell on him as he entered the door of the concert hall.

-*-

Yamato Ishida entered the stage last: his group were all on their places and when he stepped on stage the roar grew louder, though it seemed that it just couldn't be louder. Yamato stood on the edge, aghast. Something went wrong. He couldn't start.

Ken Ichijouji was uneasy, seeing his lover's motionless back. There must be something he could do about it. His hand slipped inside the pocket, where he found a small pill. He took it in his long fingers and approached Yamato slowly. "Matt," he called and the blonde turned his head a little. Ken immediately took him by the hand and led him behind the drum set.

"Here, take it, Yama! You will feel better. Trust me."

"No, what is it?"

"It will help you to relax. Take!"

Yamato obediently put the thing into his mouth.

-*-

"The concert was just WOW. Yama, you were better than super!"

"I know I was," said Yamato half laughing.

"Thank you all. Till tomorrow then."

"Bye."

Yama turned around and saw Ken's worried face.

"Matt-chan, are you alright?"

"Better then ever in my life! What was that stuff?"

"A drug as you may have guessed."

"Ken, you are not taking drugs surely?"

"No, I was just given a couple of pills at the party last night."

"Can you get some more?"

"No way. That is out of the question! I gave you that because I felt you were not yourself. Oh I don't want to talk about that any more!"

"OK, I don't know what happened to me on the stage. There were so many, they were hysterical and stupid. I hate them. I hated them."

"It is you who is hysterical, Yama. When did you sleep last, when did you eat normally?"

"Ken, don't press me, will you?.. OK, I'd better have some rest for a while."

"Why don't we have rest together?"

"I don't know, it depends on your behaviour, my dear one." Ken blinked angrily and suddenly pressed his own mouth to Yamato's. The blond replied eagerly.

-*-

The morning came to find Yamato Ishida on the bed naked. Near him Ken was still sleeping. Yamato woke up suddenly and thought, "What am I doing here? Why do I feel so empty?"

He remembered the night he first met Ken Ichijouji. He came to his group hardly ever able to hold the guitar properly, but he brought the ideas and the previous guitarist was dismissed at once. Ken was sure in success, he used his fame as a genius to promote the group and soon they found themselves in a serious show business with Ken standing behind all of them and Yamato being his pretty marionette. Yama was the face and the voice but Ken was the brain and the force. The blond felt that he was being manipulated and in addition he fell in love with the genius and became rather addicted to him.

Lying now on the bed, feeling a wreck and a nuisance, he realized the truth of his life. The emptiness that he felt was endless.

-*-

Ken woke up in the afternoon and Yamato gone. He listened for a few moments and heard the sound of the shower. He calmed down.

"The nervous pressure of the latest time must have been a bit too much for the leading singer," he thought. "That's no way of going on. I must make a programme of recreation for him and please him in every way." In Yama – Ken relationship Ken was the one who let the other love him. he obviously liked the blond as he was sexually attractive but he felt no love for him. A pity, but he realized that clearly.

-*-

Some time passed before Ken began to worry about his lover. Well, he needed a shower too, after all. So he got up on his feet and without even bothering to dress, he went towards the bathroom. The door opened and Yamato went out staggering, the blood was running down his neck and chest. Ken froze in horror and didn't even manage to catch Yamato when he slid down the wall. Ken's only thought was, "Why?"

-*-

The singer was urgently taken to hospital and Ken took the attack of the journalists on himself:

"Yes, he is ill."

"No, it isn't a suicide."

"No, it was an accident."

"I'd rather not say."

"I am sorry, I have to go."

The reporters were dragged away by the security and Ken was left alone to think.

-*-

_TEENAGE WOLVES SCATTER???_

_Yesterday the officials of the famous Odaiba rock group announced that Ken Ichijouji decided to leave the group. Some people consider that it has something to do with 'the accident' that happened 2 months ago with Yamato Ishida. This very accident is a great mystery itself, but we may suppose that what we have now is the consequences, but Ichijouji-san himself motivated it so,_

_"I felt that my development has stopped on this stage of cooperation with the group and so I had no other choice but to go my own way. But I want to underline that it has nothing to do with my personal attitude to the members of the group. We are friends and will remain that, I suppose."_

_Ken-san was as usual reserved and polite but still there are some questionable things in the rush of his decision and in the way Yamato Ishida comments upon it,_

_"I refuse to talk about that thing, I am sorry. We are a bit shocked, but I think we can go on without Ken. We will be able, probably."_

_After these strange words that we prefer to leave without any comment, we come to the question that has been puzzling many people,_

_WILL THE TEENAGE WOLVES REMAIN IN ONE PACK AFTER THEIR MANAGER-LEADER HAS GONE?_

-*-

Yamato entered the dressing room and unexpectedly saw Ken. He was packing things.

"You leaving?"

"As you can see…"

"But why?"

"You know. I told you already. I don't want to be near one weak-voiced, hysterical star and don not want to feel guilty for your desperate suicide attempts…"

"But Ken…"

"I haven't finished. If I were you I would begin looking for a new solo guitarist and a manager."

"Ken-chan, you are not leaving surely…"

Ken didn't answer. Yamato stood near the door, helpless. At last he said very quietly, "I did that out of stupidity. I was trying to draw your attention."

"A suicide is the worst thing you could do…"

"I know but I was desperate. Listen to me. You are leaving in a minute so now listen to me just for a while and then you may go. I began writing music because I wanted to share my feelings with people, to be understood, not for money, not for fame. Then, you came and you were so charismatic that I couldn't but fall in love with you. But you never felt the same: you wanted fame and you liked to see how an unknown group turns into a famous stuff, you enjoyed the feeling of power. That's why you didn't give a fuck about anyone's feelings, but at least you followed my sexual desires as far as that helped me to go on working productively. But I was as tired and as lonely as before, even with you, but still I hoped that I would manage to move you somehow. But that evening when you gave me the drug I suddenly realized that I am just a puppet in your hands, a piece of machine in your ideal world of machines. Anyway, I am sorry for what I have done, I wanted you to love me, that's as simple as that."

"You're through, Yamato?? You are being very egoistic. Very many people love you – your family, your group, your friends, you are swimming in the sea of love if I may say so, but NO, you wanted not only my body, but my love too. But that is what I can't give you. I just can't make myself love you. And you can't make me love you whatever you do. Enough of that, Yamato. I'm going."

"Stop, Ken, please, don't!"

"Let me go!"

Ken went out and slammed the door behind him. Yamato stood, his blue eyes wide open. He wasn't thinking. He wasn't crying, he felt nothing.

-*-

"Yamato Ishida, can you please tell us about your future plans? Are you going to find someone to replace Ken?"

"No, there will be no new guitarist, I'm afraid. And there will be no Teenage Wolves anymore… The reason is that I… my vocal cords were seriously damaged because of the accident two months ago. My friends are about to begin solo careers, they took my decision with understanding. I am saying goodbye to my fans. Thank you for loving our music."

"But Matt, what are YOU going to do?"

"I am going to live. That's all… Bye."

The End.


End file.
